Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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