it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
