You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize