Umm I'm too high to move.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
