THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
