apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
