What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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