We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
