the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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