By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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