He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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