I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
