I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
