bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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