Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
