idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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