Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
