So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
