john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
