I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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