my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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