Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
