My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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