STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
