There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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