Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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