You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
