I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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