Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
