Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
