I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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