does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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