Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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