my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so let's talk penis.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
