I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
