God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize