I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
