Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
