You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
