all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Someone stole a lamp last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
