my sisters under your porch take her home
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
