Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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