We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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