I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
