My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
