When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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