did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
