it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
