Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
