she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
