i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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