i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
