What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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