i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
