Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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