i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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