U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
