all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
