I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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