I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
