Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
