Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
