the day after is always just damage control
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
