I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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