Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
