Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
