if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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