There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
