I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize