Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
